I Came Here For Love

In a heartbeat

Photo by Hush Naidoo Jade Photography on Unsplash

First of all welcome to all new subscribers, I’m delighted and honoured that you are here. If you want to know what to expect from me you can visit this post.

I infuse this community with love and magic with the intention that all who come into this space have a positive and uplifting experience. Together we are a mighty force of beings raising consciousness for the highest good of all. And so it is.

Now the anticipation of reemerging has ‘mostly’ subsided, I’m here for the serious business of sharing where we go from here. A relationship with love is one that often doesn’t run smoothly and my own has had more twists and turns than a period drama.

What I do know is I’ve put in the work and I have come home to the fact that I have very much come for the love. See how I did that without twitching, feeling sick or backing out of the room? ‘Mostly’.

My first tangle with the idea of love was a very confusing one. Not being in a family that demonstrated love easily, it was a difficult thing to get to grips with. To this day I always have that twinge of jealousy when people on the tv casually end their phone calls or conversations with ‘love you’. I never really knew how to do that. When my mum started doing it, even though she hadn’t been in the habit of it before, I just sort of stumbled into a ‘yeah, ok, see you then!’

Finding myself searching for ‘love’ in all the wrong places at a young age, I was very quick to convince my bemused boyfriends that I loved them very soon after we met. Needless to say they didn’t stick around for long. I thought it was enough to say it for it to happen. Of course I now had this belief that love was something that drove people away, so I kept it tightly under lock and key.

I finally got that fuzzy feeling and tried not to think about my previous encounters. Yet it was still there, that feeling that it was going to end, so I found it easy to back out before things got too much. It was an aching repetition, but something I could control.

Eventually after getting very bored of the bad boys, I found a love spell to conjure up my ideal match. Of course not thinking it would work, I went on a friends work do and met my (spoiler alert), now husband. He was nothing like the guys I usually dated, but he was everything I’d asked for.

I still often wonder at the miracle of how I have managed to keep such a kind, caring and utterly patient man in my life after more than 20 years together, because I still have some of those early insecurities. I just know that I believe that soul mates are a thing, because I can be one complicated human to get your head around.

Divine Love

What I wasn’t prepared for was having the same curiosity, confusion, paranoia and wrestle with the reignition of love with the divine. Whereas I had successfully managed to be in a loving relationship with another human, the divine was not going to accept the parts where I didn’t love myself, where I closed off love as soon as it got too trusting, too deep, too open, too heartfelt, too much. I would have to systematically dismantle those parts that were terrified to declare openly ‘love me or don’t, it’s no skin off my nose. Without going through the rejection, the heartache, the ‘what’s wrong with me’, the stand offishness, the “I’ve been dealt a raw deal”.

I would have to open doors that I had kept firmly shut, I would have to be vulnerable, I would have to put my hand out and not know if someone would take it and be ok with that.

I have got to the point where I can demonstrate that connection when it is called for. When I take a deep breath, because it’s not about me, it’s about putting someone else or a situation in need of healing first. Without thinking about what matters to me, but for the greater good. It has required a lot of letting go, a lot of braving the unknown and the usual “I’ve been through so much, I might as well give this a go”.

Universal Love

We are undoubtedly in an era where love is magic, love is healing and love is all around us. It is not enough to accept that we are unlovable, because our universal love is part of the healing package that we came with. To heal ourselves, our fellow humans and Mother Earth. We may feel safer projecting our love further afield. To areas of war, poverty, destruction and devastation. That’s ok, I’ve felt that too. When it gets closer to home, to the self, it’s a hard task if all you’ve ever done is close yourself off.

It is possible and more than ever, the help in the unseen is willing us to have that relationship with self, to allow ourselves to open up to love, to know that we are loved and loveable. To be part of the healing solution.

I’ll keep practising love, that includes with you and as I still need all the practice I can get it would be awesome if you are prepared to receive it. Even if you feel like I’ve felt, even if you think it’s always going to pass you by, even when you whisper to yourself that you don’t think you’re loveable. I know different and I know it can be different.

I’ll keep giving myself credit where it’s due and I’ll keep bringing love here, because it’s unlimited, unconditional and I want you to feel it too.

Blessings of love and magic,

Louise x

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